if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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