I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
