thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
