non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
