just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
