Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
