but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
