We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
