By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
