I accidentally burped into my bong.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize