I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All I want is dick and wine.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
