I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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