a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
