The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
