So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
