Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize