i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
