My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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