Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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