Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
