walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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