I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
