I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
