suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
