dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize