I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
