Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
