Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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