Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
