Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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