shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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