I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Blood and glitter go together right?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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