I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize