I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
