oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
