her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
