how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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