I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
