So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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