Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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