check it out our google latitudes are spooning
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
