Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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