I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
