How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
