I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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