Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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