I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
