They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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