what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
