sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
