You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
