wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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