Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My ass is underappreciated
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
