dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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