I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
