I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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