yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was born a porn star she said
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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