just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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