Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize