you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
