My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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