She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
