garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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