Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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