Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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