My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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