I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
