I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
