I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
