okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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