apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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