my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
