Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
