i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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