Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
