Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize