I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
