only you would photoshop your dick
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
