He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
