fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
