I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize