I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you inspire me to be a worse person
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
