I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
