i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
