WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
