I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
