sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
