i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
