Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize