He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
