Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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