it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
