I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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