weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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