I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
