One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
