idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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