I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
