i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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