i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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