when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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